The first thing to keep in mind is that typically all assets and liabilities are split. However, to get a good picture of what this could potentially end up looking like, now is the time to get a real sense of just how much you and your spouse are worth and how much debt you have together and separately.
]]> This means knowing your spouse's income, investments and other assets, like business holdings. You'll also want to have a clear distinction of what is in both of your names, just your name and just your spouse's name.Aside from assets, also think of debts, both in terms of your home, but also any family debts. The best way to figure this out is to track every purchase for a month of longer. Include in this things like housing, clothing, food and medical care. This in turn will give you a sense of just what you will be responsible for paying for on your own every month. It will also show you possible places where you can cut back.
While compiling this data, now is also the time to start making photocopies of any important papers. This will include -- but is not limited to -- insurance policies, savings and checking account numbers and mortgage paperwork. Even if you plan on keeping the originals, still make copies for the just in case. This information should then be stored in a secured place.
Lastly, when two people are married it is normal for each spouse to know the other's online passwords for things like email, voicemail and bank accounts. You will want to change this information and then store the new passwords in the same secured place as the important paperwork previously mentioned.
In the end, while this is certainly a trying time for many, keep in mind that by taking the appropriate steps now, you are better securing your own future post-divorce.
Source: Huffington Post, "Your Five Best Moves Before You Decide to Divorce," Brendan Lyle, May 16, 2012
]]>A recent survey conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 56 percent of divorce attorneys included in the survey reported noticing an increase in the number of mothers who are now being ordered to pay child support. Another 47 percent also reported a noticeable increase in the number of women paying alimony to ex-spouses.
]]> When looking at why, the president of American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers claims these increases reflect changes in our society with more women now having very financially successful careers. In many cases, these women are also the breadwinners of the family, which means that in the case of a divorce, they are now finding themselves on the hook for continued financial obligations.In New Jersey, when it comes to alimony, also known as spousal support, it is awarded in cases where one spouse was financially dependent on the other during the marriage. Typically, when determining whether alimony should be awarded or not, a judge will look at a number of factors, including how long the couple was married for, differences in incomes, the age of the spouses and if the couple have any children.
Source: The Sacramento Bee, "More Women Paying Child Support And Alimony," May 8, 2012
]]>When looking at some of those larger payouts, Charlie Sheen reportedly pays his ex-wife Brooke Mueller $55,000 a month in child support for his two children. In addition to this being court ordered, last summer a judge ordered Warner Bros. Television to garnish the child support payments from the actor's pay.
]]> However, he is certainly not the only one with what most would consider large monthly payments, as hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons also pays $40,000 a month to his ex-wife for child support. He will be continuing to pay that each month until both of his children reach 19 ½ years of age.These high amounts are also not just limited to those in the music or entertainment industry, as New Jersey Devils goalie Martin Brodeur also pays $500,000 a year in alimony and $132,000 a year in child support. Those alimony payments will continue until 2010.
Of course, when it comes to how much is owed each month, for most New Jersey residents the amount will not be this high. However, it's still best to know what to expect and how the process for determining those amounts will go, as decisions regarding child support and alimony are quite different.
An attorney with experience dealing with family law can help to guide a person through that process and be on their side during any divorce cases that end up going to trial.
Source: ABC News, "A Look at Celebrity Child Support Payments," May 8, 2012
]]>The entire issue stemmed back several years ago to when the mother of the child moved to another state and decided to let her brother legally adopt the little girl. However, the claim is that since the father had signed a state registry to assert his rights as a parent, the adoption and custody exchange should have never taken place.
]]> Eventually the case went to the state's Supreme Court, which overturned the lower courts' decision and sent the case back to be heard in the state where the mother used to live -- and the biological father still lives.In the ruling to allow the father visitation rights, the judge said the idea is to allow both of the parents, as well as the adoptive parents, to all have visits with the child as the custody case continues on, eventually going to trial.
"We are going to move this case along, and we are going to have a trial, but I want the child to be given every opportunity to know her parents without putting any undue pressure on her," the judge said.
When looking at this case it's important to remember that unmarried parents have child visitation and support rights, as well as the right to fight for custody. However, as this case goes to show, sometimes establishing those rights can be quite tricky. This is why it's important for parents in New Jersey to have legal representation when coming to agreements concerning their children.
Source: KDVR, "Unmarried father wins visitation rights in custody battle," Jon Bowman, April 30, 2012
]]>Prenuptial agreements are ones that are created before a couple is married. Postnuptial agreements, or antenuptial agreements, are ones that are drafted after a couple has already gotten married. Often these can even be looked at as a solution for spouses who choose to put off a prenuptial agreement before getting married.
]]> When looking at creating a postnuptial agreement, especially if one or both of the spouses is a business owner, it's important to address just how the assets of a business would be split up in the case of divorce. Additionally, it's important for business owners to think about how this split would affect children -- both minors and adults -- in terms of inheritances and any possible career opportunities tied to those businesses.Along the lines of inheritances, when working with an attorney to put together a postnuptial agreement, now is also the time to look at an estate plan and make sure that everything is up-to-date for how you would want things to go in terms of beneficiaries and any trusts that might need to be set up.
Creating a postnuptial agreement is also a good time to bring up any issues related to debt, like how much debt there is and how that debt will be paid for.
Of course these are just a few suggestions of aspects to explore when creating a postnuptial agreement. A family law attorney can help to tailor the agreement to meet a couple's specific concerns and needs.
Source: WMUR, "Is A Postnuptial Agreement Right for You?" April 26, 2012
]]>When including how college and associated costs will be paid for in a divorce decree, it is important that everything is clearly laid out. This means deciding now how room and board and tuition is going to be divided between both parents. Costs associated with applying to and visiting potential colleges should also be included in this decree too.
]]> When thinking about this divorce decree, one thing to also keep in mind is that for the year prior to college, it will make the most sense for the parent who earns the least amount in terms of income to have primary custody of the child. This will ensure that the child is able to get the most amounts possible in terms of financial aid.However, even with the possibility of financial aid, it's important to realize that college can be quite expensive, which is why it's a good idea for each parent to decide now either on the percentage he or she will contribute to college, or set a specific cap. For example, maybe in the decree the mother can agree to only paying 50 percent of all expenses with the cap being at $20,000. Or, maybe the father can agree to pay 50 percent, but only for a four year time period.
In the end, regardless of how it all ends up being divided up, it's important to make sure to create a solid and clearly laid out plan now in order to avoid confusion and resentment later on down the road when college expenses start to be of real concern.
Source: The Huffington Post, "Divorce Questions: How Is College Tuition Divided Among Exes," Honoree Corder, April 17, 2012
]]>Children are hurt when one parent belittles the other. Even if the child doesn't bring up his or her feelings, they still notice their parents' disagreements. This gets particularly hard because when parents are saying negative things about each other, children often feel like they are stuck in the middle being forced into allegiance to only one of their caregivers.
]]> Children are also often in a vulnerable state when it comes to negative ex-spouse talk because they interpret put-downs about their other parent as a put-downs directed towards a part of themselves. This is due to the fact that most children feel they are a part of each of their parents. So, when hearing something negative about a parent, they in turn think this is also something that is wrong with them. This misinterpretation can lead to self-esteem problems, causing the children to think of themselves as unworthy.To determine whether you are guilty of ex bashing, examine the words you use. Sometimes parents will tell children that they are just like their mother or father when they do something wrong. Other tell-tale signs include negatively comparing your ex with other divorced parents, countering all positive stories about your ex with negative examples, and making children feel guilty for having fun with the other parent.
These behavior patterns are sometimes very difficult to avoid. However, while it may feel good to vent about an ex-spouse, it is better to do this to a trusted adult, not the children.
Source: The Huffington Post, "Post-Divorce Parenting: Bashing Your Ex is Bad for Your Children," Rosalind Sedacca, April 18, 2012
]]>Looking back at the ordeal, it was in 2004 that the boy's Brazilian-born mother took her son out of the country to go on what was supposed to be a two-week vacation. However, instead the mother quickly stopped talking to the boy's father and filed for divorce. She remarried and stayed in Brazil with her son.
]]> However, when the boy was just 8 years old, his mother died from child birth complications. Her husband, who was the child's stepfather, attempted to legally adopt him. But, the boy's biological father fought this adoption and sparked an international abduction case that made national headlines across the country.Finally, after the president and secretary of state got involved to move the case to federal court, the biological father ended up being awarded child custody. On Christmas Eve in 2009 the boy boarded a plan with his biological father and came back to the United States.
Looking back at the entire situation, the 11-year-old said when he was abducted he was confused on what was going on and where his father was. However, he said that out of fear he never asked his mother or grandmother why his father was no longer around. At the time, he did not even know how hard his father was working to try and get the boy back to the United States.
Now, living back in New Jersey with his dad, the boy says that his father is his "best buddy."
Source: msnbc, "'I wasn't angry': Boy at center of Brazilian abduction case speaks out," Scott Stump, April 24, 2012
]]>Now, there are international agreements between New Jersey and 21 other countries to enforce child support orders.
]]> This most recent agreement with the Dominican Republic is set to impact 536 cases where one parent is living in the central American country and the other lives in New Jersey.Looking to the future, this will surely help those parents who have already reached a child support agreement with the mother or father of their child.
Typically, child support is determined using guidelines that calculate how much one parent should be legally obligated to pay to the custodial parent. This formula takes into account a number of factors, like the incomes of both of the parents, how many children the two parents have together and any other child support obligations a parent may also already have.
In some cases, on top of the formula used to calculate child support, the court may also take into account payments for things like health insurance, education and day care.
In the end, the child support amount that is determined is something that the noncustodial parent is obligated to pay, and failure to pay can lead to criminal consequences.
Source: NorhtJersey.com, "NJ officials: Child support orders in Dominican Republic will be enforced," Susan K. Livio, April 18, 2012
]]>In the study, which was published in the Journal of Family Psychology, researchers followed 136 marriages over a 10 year period. In the beginning, all of these couples reported being satisfied in their marriage. Over the course of the study, these couples were asked questions related to their level of commitment, stress level, personality traits, how happy they were in the marriage, problem solving abilities and their level of support for their spouse.
]]> From there, it was determined that those couples with poorer communication skills, negative emotions and who did not support each other, were more likely to end up getting a divorce.Overall, while this study was relatively small in size, experts point to the fact that the implications are quite important as it shows communication issues and negative emotional problems in the beginning of a marriage may be a predictor of an eventual divorce. Additionally, the results of this study also mean that a person can be both happy in their marriage, yet having interpersonal issues at the same time.
Of course, the thought is that by knowing these factors ahead of time, couples could acquire the skills to resolve the issues before their marriage leads to divorce. But, what do you think? Are these issues always apparent in the beginning of a marriage? What are some other predictors of divorce?
Source: The Atlantic, "What Kinds of Happy Couples Eventually Get Divorced?" Alice G. Walton, April 16, 2012
]]>According to government data, in 2002 the number of first births born to a woman who was living with -- but not married to -- a man accounted for 12 percent of all first births. However, between 2006 and 2010 that number jumped to 22 percent, which represents an 83 percent increase.
]]> Additionally, it used to be that more women with high school diplomas or some college were having children out of wedlock. However, now more women who are college-educated are having children with partners they are not married to.But, while more parents are having children outside of marriage, the age at which people are having their first child has stayed consistent, with the average age of first birth for women being at 23 and the average age for men at 25.
When looking at reasons why, sociologists have shared their thoughts, claiming that the recent recession and more social acceptability has played a role in the increase of children being born to unmarried parents.
In general, in New Jersey it's important for parents to realize that if there is a break up between cohabitating couples with children, the law does not discriminate between unmarried or married parents. This means that parents are entitled to parenting time and the child is deserving of child support from his or her other parent. However, it is important to realize that when it comes to children born out of wedlock, there is no presumption as to who the child's father is, which can lead to a paternity dispute in court.
Source: Asbury Park Press, "Study: More kids born out of wedlock," Sharon Jayson, April 11, 2012
]]>A recent Reuters' article compared being a business owner going through a divorce to being Batman. No, this does not mean to drive really fast and fight crime, but rather to be prepared for the worst case scenario in your divorce.
]]> This means understanding how the state you live in divides up assets, like a business or money, in divorce. For example, New Jersey adheres to the equitable distribution of marital assets principle. This means that marital assets, like a house or a business, are divided in a way that is fair to both spouses.In general, with equitable distribution, negotiation could end up being a large part of a person's divorce. Because of this, it's important to remain calm and honest with your ex-spouse. Of course this may be hard to do, but in the end, it will help when it comes to making important decisions regarding not only your divorce, but also your business.
And lastly, while in some cases it may be too late as the divorce papers have already been filed, for other business owners, now might be a good time to look into creating a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, as this is a tool that could end up taking out a lot of the hassles associated with divorce later on down the road.
Source: Reuters, "Want To Protect Your Business in a Divorce? Be Batman," Edward Tan, April 11, 2012
]]>An example of how serious these decisions can be to parents was recently highlighted in the news by the fact that one mother may end up facing up to 20 days in jail and having to pay a $100 fine. This is all in response to her baptizing her two children without first informing the children's father.
]]> According to the father, religious upbringing was a big deal for the two parents. Even when the two were still together, a minister had been contacted for advice on what the appropriate age is to baptize a child. The father thought it would be best to wait until the children were old enough to understand the significance of the baptism ceremony.However, the real issue is that after the parents split-up, a court order was created. Under this parenting plan, it was agreed upon by both parents that any decisions regarding religious upbringing would be made by both parents - not just one.
So, by having the children baptized without given the chance to at least make an argument to a mediator, his ex-wife had then in turn broken the court order.
The case was earlier heard by a lower court, which ruled in favor of the father. However, the mother appealed. Recently, the state's Court of Appeals also ruled that the mother could be found in contempt.
The mother in this case, who could end up appealing to the state's Supreme Court, believes that the entire issue of religious upbringing is not one the state should be mandating to be agreed up in the parenting plan.
What do you think? Should religious upbringing be something that both parents agree on? And, if one parent goes behind the others back in regards to religion, should there be criminal action taken?
Source: Associated Press, "Mother faces contempt; jail for baptizing children," March 30, 2012
]]>Generally speaking, there are a few practices parents can adopt and others that they should steer clear of.
]]> For example, parents should agree that they will maintain not only clear, but consistent, communication. Of course, for some meeting together in person all of the time may not be the best, but important information can still be conveyed through email, text messaging or phone calls.When communicating with an ex-spouse on how to parent, it's important to set consistent household rules and boundaries for the children. This means that one parent should not strive to always engage the child in fun, exciting activities. Rather, there should be a balance between both parents, which creates a sense of consistency and normalcy for the children.
With co-parenting, also remember to never speak negatively about an ex-spouse in front of the children. Instead, try and focus on any positive qualities the other parent may have. This not only teaches your children about still appreciating a person regardless of differences, but also pushes them to recognize the positive qualities in both of their parents.
Understandably, some of this advice may be easier said than done, especially after a divorce where there may still be animosity. However, by keeping what's best for the children in mind when communicating and making parenting decisions, the transition will end up being easier for everyone involved.
Source: Psychology Today, "The Do's and Don'ts of Co-Parenting Well," Deborah Serani, March 28, 2012
]]>Overall, while many people may not like to think about breaking up, sources point to the fact that it's best for unmarried parents to create a cohabitation agreement when both people are still together and getting along and there is no bitterness. As just while there are more people creating cohabitation agreements now, with less people deciding to get married, many attorneys are also reporting a higher number of unmarried couples ending up in heated courtroom battles.
Source: CNN, "Prenups aren't just for married couples anymore," Jessica Dickler, March 20, 2012
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